im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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