My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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