I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
