im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
