I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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