do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
