I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
