I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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