Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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