my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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