Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
