I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
