dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
