...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
