I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize