my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize