I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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