Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
