I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
These tits shall not be calmed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
