She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
