Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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