If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Vodka?
Forever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
