its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
