You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
