smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
