I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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