the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
