He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
