and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
