guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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