so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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