just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
