She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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