How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
