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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
