I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
