my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
