yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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