Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
