he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
