Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
