We're like a lot better than the average bears
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
