Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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