His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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