Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
