Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stole a fireplace last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
