Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
