I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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