never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
