the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
