so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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