My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
