god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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