Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
