I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
