Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
