I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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