Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
