let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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