i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
