she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
