It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
