She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
