someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
