apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
