Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
