Your mouth is God's brothel.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
