Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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