Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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