My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Panties = found
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
