Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
